Reading Notes, Ramayana, Part B

Battle with Khara

Although I feel I shouldn't rag on a story, I'm going to do so anyways. The point of these reading notes is to demonstrate what I feel is a better way to tell a story, but then again I also realize each writer has their own tactic.

To start with what I do like about this writing, I like the way the setting was initially described. I think as a writer one tactic that seems to repeatedly work is in the first paragraph describe the setting. I think that the details here do a great job as to putting the reader in the right mind set for the story. Another thing that I like about this story was the use of dialect. I feel  that sometimes the dialect should be brief between characters, because it can be used for one purpose or another but if one uses too much conversation, then the point can be lost. I also enjoyed some of the uses of similes, because I feel comparisons are a good way as a writer to tell a story.

What I didn't like about this story was the lack of detail in action. I feel that with a chariot ride or describing battle, it is important for the author to describe every single detail in order to make the reader imagine the action. I felt that people getting "slain" should be in more detail and that as a writer I would like to describe action scenes with better body motions and emotions as well. I also felt that the climax and conclusion were rushed. As a writer I feel that in the moment of the point of the story, there should be more description and emotion than just "the battle was won" and Sita "kissed him".

I found this image of a bow and arrow on Pixabay and felt that since this was a weapon of choice in the story, that it fit well.

This story was an example to me as to what I don't want to be like as a writer, yet I respect the briefness in telling the events as well. Some people may not want all the detail that I do, but I feel that my stories involving action like this could use more detail.

Bibliography

The Battle with Khara from  Indian Myth and Legend by Donald A. Mackenzie (1913). [200 words]. The link to where I found this text is above.